Women in leadership is scientifically linked to greater productivity, collaboration, and collective intelligence. Yet, women’s advancement in the workforce and government is still undermined today by deeply-rooted societal bias around traditional gender roles and male-dominated environments that limit opportunity. Negotiation is a powerful pathway to accelerate women’s rise to equal pay, status and recognition, with the additional benefit of elevating overall excellence in businesses and society. The following summarizes a 3-point strategy for females to rock negotiations of all kind.
The first step in your approach to negotiating is putting yourself in the right state of mind. Imagine the process more like two people sitting down on a sofa trying to complete a crossword puzzle harmoniously rather than a tense arm wrestling match. You have to be ready to play (and love) the game. People often start off in a competitive mode which leads to a premature halt to the conversation (and leaving money on the table). In order to claim more value for yourself, you actually have to focus on the other side’s needs. Sounds counterintuitive, but it’s scientifically proven to work. So start off by framing the discussion as a problem solving activity and set a positive tone to build trustworthy rapport with the other negotiator.
Second, prepare in advance by compiling a concrete list of the issues you care about the most and decide how much you’re willing to accept or reject for each. When negotiating a job offer, for example, you might say one issue is work-from-home flexibility. Ideally, you’d like to work from home 3 days a week; the lowest you’d accept is 1 day a week; and this issue is ranked #3 behind salary and benefits. Once, you’ve outlined all your issue points, it’s also worth considering what alternatives you want to have in your back pocket (like accepting that other offer!). This due diligence not only allows you to crystalize exactly what you want to ask for, but also provides an array of levers for consideration during the negotiation. Identify as many options as possible for each issue. Decide on an opening offer that you feel is representative of your worth and be confident in expressing it.
Ready for the secret sauce? Now that you’ve taken the time to carefully think through all of your options, get super curious about the other party’s issues, values and priorities early in the conversation. Discover new and expansive possibilities by asking questions to understand the other’s constraints and interests (focus on interests, not rights and power). How can you solve their problems? An open information exchange will allow you to seek mutually beneficial agreements that expand collective gain. Remember you are metaphorically solving a crossword puzzle together, so be open-minded and try different solutions. Consider whether each issue is zero-sum (gain for one is a loss for the other) or lose-lose (both parties want the same thing). Better yet, create variable gain by summing trade-offs and bilateral concessions that net a bigger pie. Do not feel compelled to negotiate issue-by-issue, but rather propose solutions that link multiple issues or draw parallels between them. Use elastic language such as “it depends on…” and “could” rather than “will” to keep options adaptable. Curiosity, flexibility, and choice are the ingredients of the secret sauce.
Fear and inequality have historically limited women from being more effective negotiators when women generally possess skills that lend well to negotiating — keen listening, verbal articulation, and intuition about the other negotiator’s world. Forget fear of rejection, backlash or undervaluing self. Women actually have massive potential when the negotiating process is broken down into steps that compliment female inclination (versus masculine-associated traits such as rationale, strength, and self-interest). There is plenty to be gained by both parties if you practice a growth mindset, preparedness, curiosity and flexibility. Why leave money on the table when you can expand the pie… and solve the crossword puzzle.
